“You look great!”
Since sharing my newest photos showing me in a smaller body, I’ve been receiving a lot of compliments, one of them being “you look great!”
When I receive this compliment, I know that nothing but good intentions are behind it from the person offering it. I’ve even given this exact same compliment too.
But for me though, especially now that I am in a smaller body, I now question this compliment because it leaves me feeling…confused. “Did I really look that bad before?” I know that’s not the intention of the compliment, but that’s how it makes me FEEL. And I’ve spoken to many other women who feel the same way when receiving this particular compliment. It’s as if our only value lies in the way we look, and we are either “good” or “bad” depending on our body size.
For those who you notice have a smaller body than the last time you saw them, yes, perhaps they set out to lose weight/get fit, but there could also be other reasons for weight loss. Perhaps they have an illness that is causing weight loss. Perhaps their hormones are out of balance. Perhaps they are going through a divorce or other big life event and are depressed. There are so many reasons that we just don’t know, so “you look great” based solely on a smaller body just doesn’t land well and could cause emotional harm.
For those who you notice have a larger body than the last time you saw them, well, they typically aren’t hearing the compliment “you look great” from anyone. According to societal standards of beauty, gaining weight is bad, and we certainly can’t compliment this bad thing that this person has done to themselves [eye roll]. Again, there are so many reasons for weight gain, many similar to what is listed in the weight loss paragraph above.
ALL women’s bodies change over time. Sometimes they are bigger, sometimes they are smaller. We all go through different phases in our life. When we compliment solely based on looks, we are missing out on so much more about that person. So what if we just took compliments based on our bodies off the table? Our bodies are the least interesting things about us, so let’s be more specific and detailed with our words and give compliments that are truly reflective of what we are noticing about them.
Here are many examples of non-body related compliments:
- Energy: “Your energy is so uplifting. Being around you always brightens my day.”
- Intelligence: “I really admire your quick wit and sharp mind.”
- Sense of humor: “You always know how to make me laugh; your sense of humor is incredible.”
- Creativity: “Your creativity never ceases to amaze me. You have such a unique perspective.”
- Kindness: “Your kindness and compassion towards others are truly inspiring.”
- Work ethic: “I’m continually impressed by your dedication and hard work. You’re incredibly driven.”
- Talent: “Your talent for [insert skill or hobby] is remarkable. You have a real gift.”
- Confidence: “The way you carry yourself with confidence is empowering. You really own who you are.”
- Generosity: “Your generosity knows no bounds. You’re always willing to lend a helping hand.”
- Integrity: “Your integrity is something I deeply admire. You always stay true to your values.”
- Wisdom: “You have such wisdom and insight. Your advice is always so thoughtful and profound.”
- Empathy: “Your ability to understand and share the feelings of others is truly remarkable.”
- Resilience: “Your resilience in the face of challenges is inspiring. You never give up.”
- Optimism: “Your positive outlook on life is contagious. It brings hope to everyone around you.”
- Authenticity: “You are so genuine and authentic. It’s refreshing to be around someone so real.”
- Leadership: “Your natural leadership abilities shine through in everything you do. People naturally follow your lead.”
- Passion: “Your passion for [insert cause or interest] is inspiring. You pour your heart and soul into what you believe in.”
- Gratitude: “Your sense of gratitude for the little things in life is beautiful. It reminds me to appreciate what I have.”
- Thoughtfulness: “I really appreciate how thoughtful you are. You always seem to know just what to say or do to make someone feel special.”
- Intuition: “Your intuition is incredible. You have a remarkable ability to understand situations and people on a deeper level.”
- Imagination: “Your imagination is so vivid and creative. It’s amazing how you can come up with such original ideas.”
- Courage: “I admire your courage. You face challenges head-on and aren’t afraid to take risks.” Compassion: “Your compassion for others is truly touching. You genuinely care about people and it shows.”
- Loyalty: “Your loyalty is unwavering. You are always there for the people you care about, no matter what.”
- Curiosity: “I love how curious you are about the world. Your desire to learn and explore new things is inspiring.”
- Emotional intelligence: “Your emotional intelligence is remarkable. You understand and manage emotions in such a balanced way.”
- Sense of justice: “Your sense of justice is admirable. You always stand up for what is right and fair.”
- Mindfulness: “Your mindfulness in everything you do is impressive. You are so present and attentive, and it makes a big difference.”
If I’m wearing a cute outfit or have a new handbag, of course it’s always lovely to receive a nice compliment! We can still comment on appearance! Here are some examples:
- Eyes: “Your eyes are absolutely captivating. They sparkle with so much warmth.”
- Smile: “Your smile lights up the room. It’s infectious and brings joy to those around you.”
- Hair: “Your hair looks fantastic today! I love the way it frames your face.”
- Skin: “Your skin is glowing; it looks so radiant and healthy.”
- Style: “I love your sense of style. The way you put together outfits always looks so chic and stylish.”
- Accessories: “Those earrings/shoes/bag really complement your look”
- Posture: “You have such graceful posture. It really accentuates your confidence.”
- Hands: “Your hands are so elegant and expressive. They add to your overall charm.”
- Voice: “Your voice is so soothing/pleasant/engaging. It’s a pleasure to listen to you speak.”
- Presence: “You have such a naturally beautiful presence. I love how you carry yourself.”
Which of those compliments would you most like to receive? I would love to receive the compliment about my energy…that would be the absolute best way to know that I am making a difference in the world!
My challenge to you today…either in person or online, deeply and intentionally compliment someone today using one of the examples above. I’d love to know how the compliment felt to give and how the recipient responded!
Thank you all so much for following along. I have appreciated all of you who have taken the time to read and also to reply. Your replies and sharing your own stories mean the world to me and I am so grateful that you open up and share your lives with me! And if there is anything else around this area that you would like me to share my thoughts on, let me know!